...par l'écriture

Sautoir : La danseuse

Sautoir crée en janvier 2015. Pâte polymère
Sautoir crée en janvier 2015.
Pâte polymère / FIMO

Elle savait bien que cela était impossible. Elle le savait bien mais elle le gardait dans un petit coin de sa tête.

Surtout le mercredi lorsqu’elle sortait de son cours de danse et qu’elle rejoignait sa mère qui l’attendait pour qu’elles rentrent toutes deux à la maison. Elle aimait ce moment. Elle disait toujours à sa mère une fois en bas des marches du studio de danse : « un jour, je serais danseuse étoile ». Alors elle riait et sautait une marche pour tomber dans les bras de sa mère. Puis elles rentraient comme deux vieilles copines complices bras dessus bras dessous à se raconter les histoires qu’elles avaient envie de partager ensemble. Elle avait 12 ans. Elle écrivait beaucoup dans son journal intime. Sur son grand frère qu’elle adorait et détestait à la fois, sur ses amoureux transitoires qui changeait aussi vite que les saisons.

Elle n’écrivait pas beaucoup sur ce qui lui pesait vraiment, pour oublier que cela existait vraiment. Elle était « grosse » comme disait souvent son antipathique voisin de classe Victor. Elle le voyait bien et ses parents lui en parlaient beaucoup. Pourtant, elle essayait de ressembler à ce que les autres voulaient qu’elle ressemble. Mais c’était plus fort qu’elle, elle aimait manger, elle en ressentait le besoin, elle n’arrivait pas à se priver. Au fond d’elle, elle ne se déplaisait pas comme cela. Au moins, elle se trouvait différente de toutes ses copines qui ressemblaient à des brindilles de bois trouver dans une forêt triste. Elle, on l’a remarqué. Elle savait qu’elle avait un joli visage souriant et que les gens oubliaient vite ses rondeurs pour ne voir que son minois rieur.

Là où c’était le plus dur, c’était à la danse. Elle rentrait son ventre. Elle se glissait difficilement dans un collant d’une taille trop petite pour être bien moulée et que son ventre apparaisse le plus plat possible. Elle se pinçait aussi souvent les joues lors des adages pour que sa tête paraisse moins ronde. Mais elle ne pouvait pas tromper plus, surtout à côté de ses copines semblables à des allumettes. Elle voyait bien qu’elle n’avait pas la grâce des allumettes. Elle voyait bien que son reflet dans le miroir ne ressemblait pas à celui d’une danseuse élancée. Pourtant, elle adorait ça danser. C’était son vrai défouloir, son vrai journal intime où elle disait tout par les mots du corps, même sa peur d’être ronde. Les gestes qui flottaient dans l’ espace étaient son encre.

Elle rêvait de devenir danseuse, d’en faire son métier. Elle en avait parlé un jour à sa professeur de danse, Ghislaine. Ghislaine lui avait répondu que pour rentrer à l’école de danse des petits rats, des standards de taille et de poids étaient demandés et qu’elle ne rentrait pas dans ce standard. Elle avait fini sa phrase en disant « Par contre, tu as un très joli sourire, gardes-le ». Ce jour-là, elle s’en fichait de son sourire. Ghislaine avait éventré son rêve. Elle ne rentrait pas dans les standards… ça ne voulait rien dire « Qui écrit les standards ? Qui est le chef des standards ? » Elle trouvait cela injuste et dégradant. Mais elle ne souhaitait pas éteindre d’un souffle vexant tout son rêve. Elle en garda une partie dans un coin de sa tête un peu ronde. « Je ne suis peut-être pas dans les standards pour être danseuse, mais je suis bien dans les standards pour regarder les gens danser, alors ça sera cela mon métier : faire danser les gens ».
En rentrant chez elle, elle demanda à sa mère d’acheter un piano. Et toute seule, de ses petites mains potelés et de son caractère tenace, elle appris les notes, puis des partitions et joua tous les soirs des classiques, des moins classiques, tout ce qui lui plaisait et l’inspirait. Elle grandit, elle continua à danser pour son plaisir, elle persévéra dans la musique et la composition. C’était devenu une nouvelle passion. Elle composait en imaginant les gens danser. Elle faisait vivre les pas de danse à travers ses notes. Le temps passant, elle s’affinait aussi sous les formes féminines qui prenaient place, ses rondeurs s’allongeaient pour lui rendre un corps de femme attirant.
Un jour, elle eut 20 ans. Elle se lança. Elle rentra dans une école de danse parisienne, la tête haute et le chignon dressé, elle alla rencontrer la Directrice et présenta sa candidature pour devenir la pianiste des cours de danse. Elle lui raconta sa passion de la danse, son envie de faire danser les gens, elle garda pour elle ses années rondes et elle pensa à Ghislaine qui l’avait inconsciemment menait ici 8 ans plus tard son « standard ».
Ce fut un oui de la part de la Directrice. Et depuis tous les soirs, tous les mercredis et le samedi matin, elle fait danser les petites et plus grandes filles de ses mains fines sur le clavier et de son sourire que les gens qui passent par ici n’oublient pas.

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