...par l'écriture · Contes · Contes et créations · Sautoir

Sautoir : Les pieds dans l’eau

Sautoir crée en janvier 2015. Pâte polymère.
Sautoir crée en janvier 2015.
Pâte polymère / FIMO

Vous vous souvenez tous de ce film “Un grand blond avec une chaussure noire” vu mille et une fois les dimanches soirs d’automne. Vous avez ri devant ce personnage perché au propre comme au figuré. Et bien Joe, c’est la grand blond mais en petit brun.

Dès le départ, il partait avec quelques fausses notes bien sonnées. Il est né un vendredi 13. C’est quand même mauvaise donne. Le médecin qui l’a accueilli à la vie avait dit “Toi p’tit gars, tu as une chance sur deux : être un grand poissard ou être cocu”. Joe, il n’aime pas faire dans la demi-mesure, il a choisi les deux.

La prédiction du médecin s’est révélée assez vite. Lorsque la mère de Joe appela son père pour lui annoncer les joyeuses contractions et la naissance imminente, il fit route tout de suite vers l’hôpital. Une fois le nourrisson né, il décida qu’il s’agissait de son jour de chance et alla jouer au loto. En traversant la rue pour rejoindre le Tabac, un camion frigorifique le percuta, il mourut sur le coup. Quand sa mort fut annoncée à la mère de Joe, elle eut un haussement d’épaule et répondit “C’est pas de chance pour un homme qui détestait le froid…”. Le père de Joe était un homme violent et alcoolique, sa mère restait avec lui par peur de la solitude et parce qu’elle s’y était habituée. Cette nouvelle ne la chagrina pas tant que cela. Elle trouvait même ça mieux pour Joe. Joe commençait donc déjà son aventure terrestre avec un père en moins.

La vie continua ainsi. Ou Joe passait, la poisse trépassait. Sa maîtresse d’école en fit les frais. Elle était une femme douce et sans histoire. Joe l’adorait. Lui, qui était loin d’être un élève brillant, aimait apprendre à ses côtés. Quelques mois après l’arrivée de Joe dans sa classe celle-ci tomba folle amoureuse du curé du village, qui évidemment ne voulait pas d’elle et la rejetait, ce qui l’entraînat dans une profonde dépression l’empêchant de donner classe. Elle fut remplacée par une maîtresse au nom de Jeannine beaucoup moins douce et moins jolie, qui avait pris Joe en grippe. Ce dernier fut toujours dernier ou pour les meilleurs trimestres avant dernier jusqu’à son entrée en sixième. Il en garda les séquelles et détesta toute sa jeunesse l’école et les profs.

L’année du bac, bien décidé a en finir avec cette scolarité angoissante, il  travailla dur et ses bulletins de note en témoignaient. C’était sans compter sur sa malchance tenace. Le jour de la première épreuve, lucide sur l’ampleur de l’entêtement de sa poisse, il raya toute possibilité que cette meilleure ennemie l’entrave dans ses examens : il décida de ne pas prendre les transports, d’éviter tous les aliments non frais, de mettre des chaussures sans lacet… Il partit donc le premier jour de son examen avec deux heures d’avance, puisqu’il s’était interdit  le bus ou la voiture. Il marchait en se récitant son cours de philosophie lorsque soudainement un homme anéanti par la perte de sa femme sauta de la fenêtre de son appartement situé au 8ème étage pour venir s’écraser devant Joe. Au-delà de la vision d’horreur pour Joe qui le traumatisa toute sa vie, cet incident malheureux lui coûta de devenir le témoin principal de cette affaire l’obligeant à suivre le policier pour faire une déclaration. Malgré toutes les explications argumentées de Joe au policier pour lui faire comprendre qu’il s’agissait de son jour de bac et qu’il ne pouvait pas se permettre d’arriver en retard, rien à faire. il n’y avait pas que la poisse qui était entêtée. Joe eu une note éliminatoire en philosophie et du refaire non sans peine et surtout haine pour la femme du suicidé sa terminale.

Joe, derrière une carapace distante qu’il s’était forgée, pour se protéger et protéger les gens qu’il aimait de sa poisse, avait un cœur et aimait une fille qui s’appelait Nathalie. Il avait rencontré Nathalie au lycée et avait toujours été amoureux d’elle sans jamais oser l’approcher. Un soir de juin, lors d’une fête de fin d’année, Nathalie avait embrassé Joe derrière un arbre à l’abri des regards curieux des camarades de classe. Était née alors une jolie histoire d’amour entre eux qui a duré 7 ans. Joe avait peur à chaque instant  pour Nathalie que la poisse lui coûte la vie ou un rêve. Mais leur histoire coulait tranquillement sur le fleuve de l’existence sans qu’il n’arrive rien de grave à Nathalie. Joe voyait Nathalie comme son bouclier contre la poisse. Pendant 7 ans, il ne lui  était rien arrivé de grave et il aimait même à penser que les années difficiles de sa vie étaient derrière lui et que Nathalie avait fait disparaître sa malchance. C’était vrai. Jusqu’au jour où Nathalie le quitta pour une autre femme. Elle avoua à Joe qu’elle avait toujours aimé les femmes et qu’elle avait assez de force aujourd’hui pour assumer cela et partir vivre avec celle dont elle était amoureuse. Cette nouvelle écrasa de malheur Joe. Il savait que Nathalie l’avait aimé, il savait aussi que Nathalie ne resterait pas toujours à ses cotés et qu’elle avait eu quelques fois d’autres aventures que lui, elle était trop frivole, trop enjouée pour rester avec un homme renfermé et casanier comme Joe, mais il avait voulu croire qu’il pourrait trouver leur bonheur dans le calme et la sérénité de leur relation. Il s’était trompé mais surtout il avait peur de la vie sans Nathalie et que la poisse se rappelle à lui.

Il partit donc loin pour fuir cela. Il prit un bateau pour l’Amérique du Sud. Evidemment, lors de l’arrivée au port chargé par sa grosse valise, au moment de monter dans le bateau, Joe tomba à la renverse dans la mer. Des marins le sortirent de l’eau. En se renversant, Joe avait traversé une planche en bois, sa jambe gauche était sectionnée. Lorsqu’il se réveilla à l’hôpital, le médecin lui annonça que sa jambe avait du être amputée et que malheureusement, les prothésistes étant en grève cette semaine, le médecin avait été obligé de lui mettre une jambe en bois avant de lui faire bénéficier d’une prothèse adaptée et plus esthétique. Joe n’était même pas surpris de toutes ces nouvelles qui s’abbataient sur lui. Quelques jours plus tard en sortant de l’hôpital, il décida d’aller boire un verre au port de l’accident pour aller à la rencontre des marins qui l’avaient sorti de l’eau et les remercier. A taton, avec sa jambe de bois, il entra dans le bar et offrit sa tournée à tous les marins. La soirée avança et l’alcool enivra chacun d’eux. Joe entrainait par la folle ambiance rieuse et grivoise du lieu se mit à danser de sa jambe de bois. Embêté par cette jambe raide, il bougea sur le rythme du son des accordéons en faisant des claquettes. Il dansa comme cela toute la nuit , en improvisant, en occupant l’espace, en jouant des rythmes. Une ronde de marins et de femmes l’entourait en l’applaudissant. Des personnes le filmèrent, certains lui demandèrent même des autographes. Le lendemain, le prénom de Joe et le film de sa prestation étaient sur internet. Le film tournait dans les cours de récré et la télé en parla même. Joe ne comprit pas bien ce qu’il se passait mais il était heureux de voir que ses danses rendaient les gens joyeux. Il retourna au bar avec ses copains accordéonistes le lendemain et le surlendemain. De plus en plus de gens venaient claquer des mains sur le rythme de sa jambe de bois sur le parquet. Joe était devenu une star. Lorsqu’on lui demandait ce qu’il faisait dans la vie, il répondait : “Grâce au malheur, je suis créateur de bonheur”.

Encore aujourd’hui, après tant d’années, les gens du port se racontent cette histoire extraordinaire de ce petit brun poissard qui grâce à une grève des prothésiste se trouva propulsé danseur mondial de claquettes.

Il ne faut pas se fier aux apparences. La poisse peut porter chance.

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